The Bachelor: Was that a real apology from Tiara?

I got to admit it. I am a huge fan of the Bachelor. So, like most ladies, I was stuck to the screen this week as the women tell all edition of the Bachelor was aired. If you watched this season of the Bachelor, no doubt like me you were caught up in the drama in the house. This season, the protagonist in the conflict was Tiara. Tiara was the quintessential drama queen. She didn’t like or talk to anyone in the house, and always seemed to have some problem. So, the other ladies didn’t like her. The result was finally eliminated after Sean came to the house to find her embattled in another fight with the other members of the house. Nothing like a woman who can’t get along with other other women.

As I watched the women hashing it out with Tiara on the last episode. I couldn’t help to think about the conflict coaching work I use. What if they had just asked me to intervene and help the parties to understand each other better. Instead, they just kept going around in circles or misunderstanding.

The ladies were looking for some type of ownership of wrong doing by Tiara, or an apology. But she didn’t seem to think she had done anything wrong. Finally, right before closing, she gave a conditional apology? It was something on the lines of “if I did this, than I am sorry.” I couldn’t help but think, that isn’t really a true apology. If you saw the faces of the other ladies, in the room you would agree. They were justified in questioning whether that apology was truly heartfelt.

A truly heartfelt apology, must reflect authentic heartfelt repentance, remorse and a recognition of how the person hurt the other parties. It should never be conditional. If a party did not think they really did anything wrong, they should not phrase it as “I am sorry you felt that way.” But instead, it should say something on the lines of “It was not my intention to hurt you. I understand now that the way I handled things made you feel dishonored. So, please forgive me with leaving you with that feeling.” Only when you approach an apology this way will the other party be able to receive what you are saying as a heart felt apology.

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